[tws]

I transcribed this from a secret tape cassette I found buried in a box of old bras at a thrift store on Columbia Pike. You just never know where...

HUM OF THE CEILING LIGHTS.

“Okay, boss, check it out? You know the Gang of Four!?”

“Yeah, that arty funk group from Leeds, right? One of the boldest, most innovative bands to emerge from that whole post-punk era in the UK?"

“YES! We need to make them a video.”

“I’m listening…”

“First, let’s remove their incredible rhythm section of Hugo Burnham and Dave Allen, and replace them with those gay hexagon drum things that are the craze now.”

“So, you’re saying to remove anything that made the band interesting…and?"

“Put them in a dystopian dream world!!”

“What does that have to do with anything? And what’s with this sudden obsession with dystopian dream worlds in this era, the early 1980’s?”

“Listen! We see Jon King, Andy Gill, and that chick Sara Lee walking around, completely disaffected by this Aldous Huxley-on-the-80’s society…”

“This sounds pretty ridiculous. At least we’ll have a coherent love story that the viewer can relate to, right?”

“Absolutely not! Just when you think it’s going to get interesting, you know what we’ve got in store?”

“I don’t like the way this is going…”

“Bellhops! Dancing fucking bellhops! And they’re all groovy as hell.”

“…”

“Eh? Listen, the Apple people said that if we do this, they’ll let us use one of those MacIntosh computers they’re rolling out next year. It may inspire this Orwellian commercial they’re planning for the Super Bowl.”

“Sold! Don’t forget to make Jon King look extra fey!”

[tws]

A coworker discovered that MTV is starting to earn its salt again by posting a majority of the music videos from its hallowed vaults on their website. This the bane of productivity in America. Forget about this election coverage.

Enjoy the Afghan Whigs' "Gentlemen." A team of 200 scientists working in a lab outside of Trenton for a year couldn't devise or genetically engineer something more 1990's.


"Hey, guys! I've got an idea! It's like an episode of 'Melrose Place!' Except it's on heroin! And it has the Afghan Whigs playing next door, and Greg Dulli's got his hair cut, is wearing makeup, and is randomly interchanged with an old white guy and a black guy!"

"Sold!"

[tws]

Every time I see a middle-aged woman with a Southern accent going out for Obama, my heart flutters a little.

[tws]



A few weeks ago, my friend and I went down to Richmond to go check out a punk show at the Canal Club. It was pretty great, despite one asshole who decided the best way to enhance the live music experience was to pounce on random peoples’ backs in the front row. The headliner were Richmond punk stalwarts Ann Beretta, and they got support from wholesome Bethlehem, PA pop-punkers Weston. I didn’t think twice about the billing, but within twenty minutes of posting a bulletin on myspace about the show, NoLA comic Jeremy Alexander wrote to me and said how he saw Weston in 1996. The other night, backstage at the Rock n’ Roll Hotel in NE, my friend Ryan of So Many Dynamos, upon hearing that I saw those two bands together, exclaimed, “Whoa! Were you in the year 1996?”

I think that Ann Beretta and Weston are both in touch with the fact that their greatest relevance came before the turn of the century. Who’s to begrudge them for continuing to play music? If something’s in their blood, then let it be and don’t hate. Granted, Ryan and Jeremy both thought that Weston and Ann Beretta are great bands, but let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Ann Beretta, short of a set at this year’s No Idea Fest in Gainesville, are through (again), and Weston are hardly a full-time band again (not that they could ever quit their day jobs in the first place).

Well, for the purpose of this entry, IT’S 1996, MTHRFCKRS, AND WESTON HAVE JUST RELEASED THE GREAT AMERICAN POP-PUNK ALBUM Got Beat Up. After careful consideration, bound to change at any time, here is my ranking of that album’s 14 tracks.

1. NEW SHIRT (Track 4)
   According to the legend, de facto front man Jim Snyder wrote this song before he turned 13. I don’t know how he did it, but he created one of the most infectious 54 seconds of music that’s more of a segue than any actual song, ever. I mean, who hasn’t put on a shirt in the morning, thinking in the back of their head ‘will he/she see me in this today?’ Now, shut the hell up and sing along. I’VE GOT A NEW SHIRT, I’VE GOT A NEW SHIRT!!
2. CLUMSY SHY (Track 10)
   It has that chord progression that sounds like awkward teenage love. Nevermind the lyrics, which punch you in the balls with awkward teenage love. Clumsy, shy boy’s dream come true, indeed.
3. HEATHER LEWIS (Track 5)
   Maybe I just felt like breaking “New Shirt” and “Heather Lewis” up, since the former leads into the latter, and I’m a jerk. Jimmy Snyder sings about that universal girl who you think you’re in love with, and then she goes away to college and forgets about you. It’s great because it’s the way many of us learn about heartbreak for the first time. Bonus points for Dave Weston and Chuck Saltern’s backup affirming yells during the verses.
4. NO KIND OF SUPERSTAR (Track 3)
   Bassist Saltern’s shining moment (aside from his wonderful, albeit horribly off-key contribution to the breakdown of “Feet” from their first album. Something about anti-fungus foam). Speaks to that fat kid on the bus in all of us.
5. RETARDED (Track 1)
   Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Dave Weston. The intro here (which he probably played, I don’t know) is killer and it’s a great first track, which establishes this promise that the album fulfills. How much could the protagonist here truly know about love if he’s still using the word “retarded” as an insult? TREE FALLING IN FOREST!!
6. VARSITY SWEATER (Track 11)
   Oh, shit, son, Jimmy’s gonna get beat up!! Well, the following track is actually called that, but here he is, on top of the world, messing around with the football captain’s girl. There’s no way this could possibly backfire! I think it’s scientifically impossible to not sing along to “THERE GOES THAT GIRL” while listening to this while driving, after hearing the lead-in. Just me? Okay.
7. GOT BEAT UP (Track 12)
   Dave Weston returns on a 36-second vignette about getting the crap kicked out of you, and then given tough love about it. Life sucks. Ta-dah! A pretty brilliant, concise thing that ties the second side of this thing together well.
8. JUST LIKE YOU (Track 7)
   The line “I took you to the make-out spot; carved your name in every desktop” couldn’t be a whole lot more vintage high-school.
9. ME AND RENE (Track 2)
   “It’s so hard to be in love with yooouuuuuu.” Good harmonies . Ever have a song that you like and have no technical reason why?
10. TEENAGE LOVE AFFAIR (Track 8)
    See #9. This is a solid album track but a strange choice for a single.
11. HEARTBREAK SANDWICH (Track 14)
    Dave Weston does the wistful, introspective, confessional thing to close out the record. Great title. Weird lyrical stumble in the middle where he explains what the painting of a half-eaten sandwich means, but it’s still pretty powerful. This sounds like the heart that Heather Lewis broke resigning itself after coming to terms with things.
12. SUPERBUS 23 (Track 9)
    What’s the 23? I’m guessing the route that Dave Weston rode on the way home from whatever high school these songs took place in. One of the best songs ever written about (I think) trying unsuccessfully to get a hand job. I’d put “Blister in the Sun,” by Violent Femmes in that category, too but Gordon Gano was a little too successful in that one. Oh, “Baby, Baby” by Amy Grant, too.
13. YOUR SUMMER DRESSES BORE ME (Track 6)
    Until recently, I always skipped over this song, but learned better. It starts off like it’s going to be really boring, but it’s just as catchy as anything on here. The band just takes a radically different approach.
14. RUNNING STUPID (Track 13)
    I just don’t like this song. The only real misstep on the album, I think. Granted, it’s got its lovers, just like every song I hate by any good artist. Go figure.

Check out this great blog for a place to hear the album!
And watch this. The song's not on Got Beat Up but it's awesome.

[tws]

Now, I normally avoid the topic of straight-up politics on this site, but given my allegiance to progressive politics, and general bitterness at how people like Lyndon LaRouche and that lady who sits in the tent across from the White House have successfully turned the US Left into a joke when it's more vital than ever to have that presence known, I need to put this up. How cool would it be to get a Maxi-single of "Be My Lover," "Sweet Dreams," and "Mr. Vain," blast it on a boombox and walk by LaRouche volunteers, point to the music blasting, and shout enthusiastically, "Eh? EH?"


Special thanks to Eric for the graphic.

[tws]

What’s up, Loyal Reader? Enjoying the fall weather? Or if you’re in Australia, enjoying the spring weather? I know I sure am! Nothing beats taking a twilight drive, listening to your favorite melancholy music (e.g. Funeral) and admiring whatever foliage is left in this world.

Okay, now that we’ve got the small talk out of the way, I have a major favor to ask anyone and everyone who may be able to help out. The Big Takeover, the wildly eclectic and entertaining radio show I've hosted for the last three summers on WGTB in Georgetown, is anxious to get back on the air. Except, we want on the air for real now, and one very accommodating station in Silver Spring called WMET is the perfect place for it. As much as WMET would like to have our unique brand of on-air entertainment cascading over the District and surrounding area through 50,000 Watts of glory, they are businesspeople. Therefore, their time is brokered, and we are in the need of a sponsor.

If you are a) rich and interested in having something of a mouthpiece in our show, or b) employed by someone like this, please contact me here:(shows [at] tdcpresents [dot] com). Considering the renown that The Big Takeover show was gaining towards the end of this summer , this could be a great opportunity for you or your company! Our goal is to raise $600 per month, which would guarantee us a one-hour show every Sunday night. All this would take is $50 per week from three different sponsors, or about a $200 per month commitment.

I hate asking people for money. It’s not something I like to involve in the artistic process if I don’t have to, but in this case it’s really a means to an end. The programming and the possibilities of what we could produce is limitless, and this would undoubtedly be a major opportunity for the DC Comedy Scene, since the show is hosted by loyal DC comics (me, Jake, Herbie, Anupama, et al).

So, if you are interested in helping out, or know someone who may be interested, don’t hesitate to let me know and I will be eternally grateful. This has been a goal of mine for a long time, and I’d love to have supporters to be able to make it a reality. On that note, everything we broadcast is guaranteed to be clean and entertaining. I hope.

[tws]




I don't have much time to write about it and make even a feeble attempt at doing the doc justice, but if you have any capability of doing so, go see TROUBLE THE WATER. It took more than three years, but there's finally a story about the devastation of Hurricane Katrina on New Orleans, and the subsequent atrocity committed on the citizens of the region by the government and FEMA, told from the appropriate point of view: the people who were right in the heart of the disaster. Kim Roberts, the narrator and essential protagonist of the true story, and her husband and crew of Ward 9 natives, turn into heroes literally overnight. You see footage that she shot from her leaky attic as one of their neighbors floats from house to house on a punching bag to bring people to higher ground and safety. The most depressing and alternately gratifying aspect of the film is that we're constantly reminded that Kim (aka Kold Medina), her husband Scott, and their friends are still the cutouts of mainstream society. They are all recovering drug addicts and dealers, and simply couldn't afford to leave as the storm approached. As ashamed as I am when I see the way the armed forces members look down on them and threaten them, I think that anyone who didn't grow up in Ward 9 of NoLA, SE DC, or wherever, would slide over a bit if Kim or sat down next to them on the bus. Which is horrible, but the sad truth.

Watch the preview, and please don't let yourself judge it by the "makers of Fahrenheit 9/11" tag; there's nothing subjective about "Trouble the Water," and its a thousand times better.