No matter what you do in life, no matter how hard you try, you will never be as cool as Paul Simonon
[transmission from... Tyler Sonnichsen]
That's just one observation of many I made while watching the Clash's rhythm king, Damon Albarn, Tony Allen, and Simon Tong
perform 'The Good, The Bad, and the Queen' plus a couple of pleasant non-album songs ("Doghouse" and "Mr. Whippy," the latter
presenting Syrian rapper Eslam Jawaad, are both pretty killer) at the 9:30 Club last night.
The show also reminded me of another writing I've got in the works and will hopefully post next week at some point. For now,
I'm nearing completion of the long-awaited and highly-antipated (by the people in the band and their respective parents, most
likely) Georgetown Cabaret 2007: Live at the State Theatre DVD. I'll put up a bigger item about on the site once it's
done, but for now, here's a preview of Justin Douds, Chris Murphy, and some other characters momentarily approaching something
in the ballpark of Paul Simonon cool.
Over the weekend I decided to pass by the Children’s Hospital to pay a visit to the sick children who needed a bit of laughter
to feel better about their situation. The children with kidney or stomach problems couldn’t participate because my lawyer
couldn’t handle the lawsuits. So who do I see playing a guitar in the room I was assigned to? TONY DeNIKOS!
“You better italicize my name when you say it butch!” Tony rants.
“That doesn’t make sense, dick!” I responded. So I politely asked Tony to get the fuck out of my room. DeNikos
was cool about it. He said, “Alright but first, let me play one more song and I’ll be out of your way.” The kids faces looked
pissed off because of his horrible guitar skills.
Tony then swings his guitar at me. I duck, but he accidentally hits
a child in a wheelchair.
“What are you doing?” I yelled.
“You didn’t think I was reading what you wrote about
me for the past 5 months? I’m not stupid, mudface!” I didn’t care about the racist comment he said; my only concern was using
those kids as a shield from that man’s deadly guitar.
Then, shattering through the window was Claudio, Master Storyteller!! With nothing but a guitar, he accidentally knocks
down a kid.
“Get the fuck out of here Jermaine. I’ll handle this piece of shit musician!” Claudio says.
“Claudio…”
DeNikos says confused.
“Bold my name when you say it, fag ass” yells Claudio. “Claudio?” Tony restates.
Pulling a string from his guitar, Tony strangles Claudio, “I said bold my name when you write or say it, pussy!”
Claudio demands. Sorry… Claudio, “Damn right!” he says while he’s being choked.
Cla…excuse me Claudio
then punches DeNikos in the larynx. DeNikos’ grip loosens and Claudio drop-kicks Tony in the nose, then he falls
out the shattered window into the cargo of a rig truck carrying Toxic Tazmanian Devil Sperm. “Thanks Claudio. You saved
my life!” I say. Claudio then quickly kicks me in the nuts and screams running away, “Tell Tyler Sonnichsen and Herbie
Gill I’m coming for them!”
But something tells me that this won’t be the last time we will see this Greek menace Tony DeNikos.
Tune
in next time when Batman fights the Green Goblin for the possession of the Green Lantern Ring.