Hey gang. Trust me, my lazy ass will finally have something new and ideally entertaining for you all on Monday. For now, my friend (and yours, too, I'm sure, after you got a load of his Petey the Rabbit Tales) Tyler R. has something to say about his favorite time of year. - TWS

[transmission from... Tyler Richardson]

When is the last time that you did something great for someone that you don't even know? It's a feeling that gives you a high for what seems like a lifetime. In reality, it's about 4 seconds, especially if you just gave a bum money and watch him walk it across the street into a 7-Eleven. You just know that he's not going to buy Vick's Vapor Rub for that cold, or something to treat (what appears to be) the Herpes all over his lips and groin. Don't ask how I saw the groin, instead ask why I feel the urge to stab a bum no matter how well or polite the conversation that we're having is. I don't know either. I always had this feeling that guns were created because someone held the door open for someone else. But after holding the door open for that person(who is of course, a stranger) they didn't get a thank you nor a speedy jog to the door. Just a slow-ass walk to the door with the palm held up as to say "just a few more seconds please". Oh, that can make you shoot someone, I know. It makes sense. Why would they create a weapon like a gun just to have wars, rob people, and forcefully make love to the person of your choosing? It would be stupid wouldn't it? Thought so.

But that's the great thing about this time of year. Christmas time makes you a little happier to be alive. Even though you're grown, and there aren't necessarily a lot of presents coming your way, there is no time like it. Everyone is happy and doing great things for people, and it's all in the name of holiday cheer. Even if you're not a believer or a person that celebrates Christmas, that's why we now call it the Holiday Season. Chanukah it up, people. Go Kwanzaa all over the place. And whatever Muslims do too.... YEAH! It's not that they're not important, but I get so caught up in my Christmas mode I haven't really needed to reach out and see what other people are celebrating. Maybe they play with Etch-A-Sketches for 24 hours straight. Would be a kick ass holiday, but I'll never know.

(It's so hard to stand out in this community of fine comedians, but I have an idea. Get a big sword and horribly scar my face. Then people can remember me as the guy with the vicious facial scars. Oh, I'll stand out alright. Cause I'll be a SUPERfreak. Get ready.)

And we're back, people. Here are some thing that I have to get done before Christmas:

• Steal
• Have a marathon of Home Alone and Home Alone 2:Lost in New York
• Locate the Rabbit's Foot(M:I 3)
• Smash a PS3 in front of someone who can't afford it
• Make sure someone who couldn't find a PS3 gets tape of me smashing it
• Annual Butt WAX 2006
• Invest in shares of Microsoft, they have all my money anyway
• Buy a book and read it, but no comic books and last....
• Make a comedy tape that you're proud of for more than one night

What's important to you, folks? You've seen my priorities. Happy Holidays and for those of you that remember the 80's... Merry Christmas all!