[transmission from... Tyler S]

Greetings loyal readers of this awesome thing I don’t want to call a blog but fits most socially accepted definitions of that stupid goddamn term. What’s up. I’ve been having a good couple of weeks, in case any of you people care about my well-being. Last week here in DC, the temperatures sank into the 50’s for the first time of the impending fall season and the impending NHL season generated impending happiness in my soul. Last year, I wrote about how the Washington Capitals, while they suck, are awesome. (If you saw the team at their finer moments, you’d understand what I meant).

But let’s get down to business here. The National Hockey League is now one full year removed from that strike that rose out of a bunch of boneheads butting heads. People played the name game with Gary Bettman, NHL Players Association leader Trevor Linden, and a slew of other arguably responsible parties, but most people who follow the frozen sport are smart enough to overlook monkey wrenches grinding the league’s gears.

I understand that at this point of the year, the sports media is inundated with countless “predictions,” “power rankings,” “analyses,” etc. forever about the NHL as well as the NBA, which will be kicking off within a couple months as well. I’m not as big of a sports fan as I sound when I’m talking about hockey or occasionally baseball, so I won’t waste anyone’s time with my own projections for the 2006-2007 season. Instead, I’m going to talk about the greatest lines and moments that should have happened in NHL history.

The "Deja Vu" Line

The Pittburgh Penguins needs to acquire Rick Nash from Columbus, and draft anyone named Stills (or just trade for Cory Stillman and apply the nickname ‘Stills’ to him) and place them both on a line with Sidney Crosby. Also, they should bring in RW Scott Young to work with that line for about a year and then split. I mean, this line would be an indomitable force in the first place, but one great thing would be the solution to the longstanding problem of the people of Pittsburgh overwhelmingly not teaching their children well.

The "Apparently Anarchist" Line

Joe Sacco needs to forget this “retirement” bullshit and return to the Capitals. Then, they need to draft anyone named Vanzetti to share a line with him. Then, during a game in Boston, they’re both thrown in the penalty box and given game misconducts for no reason. Then they are executed.

Alexander the Great at Everything

Alexander Ovechkin needs to score a goal while simultaneously catching a baby with one hand, performing a blistering guitar solo with the other hand, and also founding a soup kitchen to provide nourishment for Washington’s less fortunate. I mean, did you catch this last year?



Provided that Ovechkin is capable of pulling that off, I’m afraid I’ll have to scratch this item off of this list because it stands a chance of actually happening. Plus, just look at how grateful Boxcar Wilbur is that photo.

I'm sure there's plenty more where this all came from, but that's all I can think of for now. If you're in DC, come to the Warehouse Theater tomorrow (Friday) night and the Laughing Lizard in Alexandria in Saturday night.

I hope you guys all enjoyed the finale of The Mike Show and the other assorted videos I provided last week. I'm working on something real and of substance to wow you all with later this week, I promise. For now, long absent from the Tranmissions from Planet Fearth page, my buddy Tyler Richardson has got something special and in his usual great taste for all y'all. Enjoy and talk to you all soon.
- TWS

[transmission from... Tyler Richardson]

Hello there, World of TDC!
My name is Tyler Richardson, for those of you that are uninitiated. I am the knower of all things acoustic. I also have many tales of woo and sorrow. Allow me to share a memory of my friend Katie. It's been a while since you all have heard from me, so let me refresh your memory...I'm black.

I first met Katie in the 10th grade. We both happened to be on the marching band squad and I was instantly attracted. She was too and confirmed this. Within a couple of days she told me that she heard I was a flirt and GOT AROUND. Folks, I was a virgin until the ripe old age of 18. Upon this news, she started dating the "grapevine" from which these lies started. Luke. Luke was a hater and this was my first case of pimpin' 101. "Take this fools LIFE!" but for smaller men this translates to TAKE HIS GIRL. They dated for 3 years. During that time I got to know her much better and we did Drama together in many plays and I could sense she was close. Senior year- surprise- she's broken up and he's been off in college for a couple of years. I moved in... I was in between girls and though I had my sights set on another girl who spurned my love, why not take advantage of a 3 year quest? So, I asked her to my senior prom. It went well and she was beautiful. The next day is when things got weird.

We went to King's Dominion for celebration of the Prom. By the way, no, I did not get the drawls. So, as soon as we get there my best friend Mike yells out "Permanent Riding Buddies!" Now even though I was there with her, BROS BEFORE HO'S. So she was stuck with my main man Nelson. She was not pleased. Then to make things worse, I decided we should get speed tickets for the VOLCANO. Fast-Forward: Nelson loses his ticket. Now, there are three of us with tickets and they seat two at a time. A man emerges from the crowd and says "O.K., we have two seats left. Hey pal, who you with?" I pause and I looked at both of them. I give Katie the look of "I'm sorry" and shout "Me and him" while Mike and I ran into the ride. All I heard Katie yell was "Deaven, you asshole!" and I replied with a loud "Sorry Katie". We laughed for the whole ride. And shook around callin' that dance move the S*******(her last name) shuffle. Katie never really spoke to me again and two years later she passed away. The theme behind this story is simple. I have a strange sense of humor....and if you ever cross me, I WILL CRUSH YOU. Love you lots Katie, I think of you often.

Love,
(Deaven) Tyler Richardson