[transmission from... Tyler Richardson]


Thought it was way past time that I gave you a little shout out and if you have time, I thought I'd like to share a little ditty that I wrote.

I recently went to the Last Comic Standing auditions and it was cool. Little cold, but cool. I encountered a lot of awkward situations that I was more than happy to describe in my blog. But I saved this bit just for the good readers at TDCpresents.com 'cause I love you guys.

So we get into the auditions and they let us chill in the stairway while we fill out our applications. I TOOK MY JACKET OFF. I had somehow stunk up my jacket with the worst B.O. this side of the Mississippi. And if you think for a second that I'm making this up just ask Leslie Cooley or Tim Miller. I felt so bad for those guys and I thought I was gonna make them sick. I laugh now but that was probably the most out of place that I've ever been. I honestly kept thinking "I want my mommy." It was so bad I spent a lot of time waiting for someone. I didn't understand it though. We were in the car on the drive home and I hold to keep my arms folded cause the smell was putting Tim to sleep. Least I think it was smell. I thought I was going to be sick. And it was cold outside the entire night before. How many people do you know that can work up a good glisten with 29 degree weather? Just me baby, just me. I just thank god that the judges had some distance to work with. 'Cause they might have thought that it was so cold that the comics were roasting skunks outside to keep our nutrition up. At least that what the smell would lead people to believe. And I gotta give Tim and Leslie mad props yo (how do you like my slang? I'm working on getting to Comicview. No, not really:( that's a frown.) They said nothing and even laughed about it. But for a second I thought I saw Leslie swallow back a chunk, 'cause it was bad. And for the record, Tim and I shared a blanket that night, and that's something no one can take from us. No one. Let me say that right after you thought of us under the same comforter all night, if you made a Brokeback Mountain joke or it even crossed your mind, I want you to shove your hand into a wood chipper. Shame on you, you hack FUCK. Shame. I heard a lot of those in NY. They thought they were cool and edgy but they just kept making Mrs. Merritt fart. Or she just had gas.

And Tim Miller ate the grossest pizza ever. Double Decker with Broccoli. That bastard farted and killed one of the comedians. Oh, he won't admit it, but Leo Goodman had to take the body out of the line. Just ask him. Not all that shitty smell was the city. We D.C. comics brought a little of our own. Rock on D.C.

TDC, we will meet again.

[transmission from... Tyler Sonnichsen]

At the risk of sounding like too much of a super music nerd, which I am, I have to begin by pointing out that I've established a pattern of seeing Belle & Sebastian about every two years. I saw them in Philly in early May '02 with some of the Shaw 5 gang from SU, I saw them in at Divino Aqualung in Madrid on March 10, 2004 (on the eve of the tragic train bombings at Atocha) with my sister and some friends, and I saw them here in DC last night at the 9:30 Club. And, true to form, they've gotten better every time.

1. Expectations
2. Another Sunny Day
3. Womens' Realm
4. Sukie in the Graveyard
5. Electronic Renaissance
6. The Loneliness of a Middle Distance Runner
7. To Be Myself Completely
8. The Blues are Still Blue
9. Piazza, New York Catcher
10. Belle & Sebastian
11. Funny Little Frog
12. She's Losing It
13. Your Cover's Blown
14. Dog on Wheels
15. If She Wants Me [first verse, Murdoch singing a capella]
16. I'm a Cuckoo
17. Wrong Girl
18. If You Find Yourself Caught in Love
19. Judy and the Dream of Horses
20. White Collar Boy [ENCORE]
21. Me and the Major [ENCORE]

I don't really have the time/space to write a full review, but the whole thing was really tight. Everything that Stuart Murdoch said was hilarious, especially when he chided Stevie Jackson for being Catholic, segueing into "Completely." The only thing that annoyed me was this hipster bitch in the crowd who yelled "Family Tree!" in between every song. Here's some news, lady: Yes, we all get it. "Family Tree" is a good song, great even. But the club is not that enormous or loud- the band heard you. The bottom line is, Isobel Campbell is not in the band anymore, and Sarah Martin isn't going to be bullied into singing her songs. For crying out loud. (Sarah Martin's awesome, by the way). Oh, and Chris Geddes grew a solid molestache, in case he didn't already look creepy enough.

In conclusion, Belle & Sebastian are one of the greatest bands ever. I can't imagine music today without them. I'm not making that up. Here are a couple particularly badass shots I got: one of Stewart and Stevie, and one of Mick Cooke, who I think may be an alien. Or just excessively Scottish.




And not to exclude one of the better power-pop bands of our time...

1. Twin Cinema
2. Use It
3. July Jones
4. Jackie
5. Graceland
6. From Blown Speakers
7. The End of Medicine
8. Testament to Youth in Verse
9. The Body Says No
10. Breakin' the Law
11. The Slow Descent into Alcoholism
12. The Bleeding Heart Show
13. Sing Me Spanish Techno

I may have one or two incorrect, but you get the idea. In case you may have heard that they have no stage presence, it's absolutely true. Carl Newman and Kurt Dahle are a laugh-a-minute, but the girl they had touring with them (Neko Case wasn't around, to the chagrin of every horny indie nerd in there) got laryngitis and everyone else didn't do anything for the whole set. Except for when their keyboardist (well, one of them) Blaine Thurier helped bandage Newman's profusely bleeding finger. All in all, though, not bad. Hopefully I'll get up some photos and stuff about this and some other shows on Mudsugar, once that site gets its act back together soon.

Rock n' roll for life!!!

[transmission from... Tyler Sonnichsen]

A few quick things before I get into the heart of the matter. THE BIG TAKEOVER (for posterity) was a great success, thanks in no small part to all of the amazing DC comedians who did phenomenal sets, Tom Hnatow and his great musical guests [These United States, Tom & Gavin's Awesome Guitar Meltdown Experience (I just made that name up), and Eastern Homes], and especially thanks to all of the people who came out and filled the place beyond capacity! It was incredible from start to finish, and pictures, audio clips, and possible video clips will be available on this page soon! Also, stay tuned for info about potential upcoming musicomedy nights at the Lizard!

Also, TDC legend Josh Newey proposed that I add Maddox to the list of "The Men." Definitely an understandable choice, considering what a hilarious dick the guy is. His paint illustrations are almost always bulls-eyes.

Alright, Chris Barylick, Jake Young, and I are putting our collective foot down. In short, this world needs a concept album from a progressive surrealist pseudo-Norwegian metal band, and we believe that we, in theoretical spirit rather than reality, should be that progressive surrealist pseudo-Norwegian metal band.

Cold Ankles, which is probably, not to get too far ahead of ourselves, the greatest band name ever, will slowly gain recognition in international circles. Through the magic of filesharing and bored college kids who lack sufficient amounts of awesome in their lives, Cold Ankles' first single "Cold Ankles" will emanate through hard drives by the millions. This sudden success will clear the stage for what will burn itself into the fabric of music history: THE FELINE VS. ROBOTIC VACUUM CLEANER (EP).

For years (specifically, since 2000, when most models were developed) living room floors across the world have been host to an eternal struggle of cat versus cleaner, tabby versus technology, siamese versus suction. Cold Ankles will create a four song EP accordingly (see mind-blowing cover artwork on the right), and those four songs will open with the inimitable overture that involves more than the usual number of finger-tapping solos and impressive drum fills. At approximately 2:47 of "Overture/Suck Device," the initial meeting and showdown will occur. Here is a sample:

Vacuum: "I CLEAN FLOORS!"
(Shredding and drum fills)
Cat 1: "I LICK MYSELF!"
(Synth segue)
Vacuum: "I'M UNDER WARRANTY!"
(Shredding and drum fills)
Cat 2: "I APPRECIATE TUNA!"
(Synths, guitar shredding, AND drum fills)

Something along those lines. All will come to a hilt when the Robotic Vacuum Cleaner boldly declares, "We are the future, Cats! Your time is NIGH!!" cueing even more finger tapping and the guest chorus of the Chicago Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

The second song, "First Lights" will detail the first skirmish between the vacuum cleaner and the cats. The cats pull off a pyrrhic victory (the vac sheds the fur of both of their tails) in a classic dual reflected with two guitars fighting each other for supremacy. Rock supremacy.

The third song, the 10:26 epic, "Rebuild, Reorder, Up the Ante, Fight for your Factory-Assembled Life," will tell of the vacuum cleaner's shame but rebound as it uses its wireless USB connection to obtain a weapons upgrade from eBay. (Because, for some reason, they manufacture these robotic vacuum cleaners with those now...and eBay sells hardware upgrades for militant robots. We're sure they're somewhere in there).

And finally, the finale, "The Great Showdown" builds to an epic climax of cat versus machine. For a while, as is detailed through programmed computer vocals, the machines have the upper hand, sending the cats into a frenzy, fearing that indeed, their time is nigh, and they will be forever banished to the basement, prone to floods and poor climate control.

However, in a moment of sheer genius, Cat 2, Lord Fuzzington, sees out of the corner of his eye, a sensory boundary guard at the top of the stairs. "THE GREAT WEAKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!" the singer rips out as the drums begin to roar and the guitars begin to blast white noise-style feedback. The heroic kitty leaps over the vacuum, dislodges the guard, and the loathed vacuuming robot falls to its fate, in several pieces with the family's muddy boots and raincoats the fell off the overpopulated hooks by the front door.

"And Lord Fuzzington, the general
looked deep into Vacuum's cold, robotic eyes,
and said 'Suck this!'
and kicked his circular, locomotive ass down
the flight of stairs"

The final minute is basically a metal rendition of the Meow Mix theme song, capping off:

"We've conquered the den,
our power is great!
How are we
gonna CELEBRAAAAAAAAATE!??
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW..."

But the epic EP leaves that bittersweet taste in our mouths. The humans will soon get home and discover the robotic vac lying in pieces at the bottom of the stairs. Will they exploit that warranty and bring the villain back for a potential sequel? Only time, and international record sales, will tell.

Pretty awesome, huh? In fact, we're so excited about this album, I think I'm going to put some of the reviews here:

"Cold Ankles are true renaissance men, bringing us a completely comprehensible portrayal of a small scale war that reflects a struggle so prevalent in our world today. I'm not sure if I understood that part with all the references to Isaiah Thomas, but it's a gripping outing nonetheless." - TIME, 6 May, 2006

"When the world is reduced to a couple of cats and an indefatigable robotic vacuum cleaner with those cool tracers and keep it from missing spots of stuff on your carpet, Cold Ankles will be there, rocking into the night, on a clean floor."- Bob Brunschwagg, ALLMUSIC.COM

"Good. Not like, Dylan or Springsteen or White Stripes good, but still fun. We love Dylan and Springsteen and the White Stripes!" - ROLLING STONE

"The Killers are a great rock n' roll band, and Brandon Flowers is a true innovator. Listening to this EP made me want to listen to The Killers, so eh, I guess, 7 (out of 10)." - SPIN

"We don't like this, because Spin and Rolling Stone do. The acquiescence behind the songs don't mesh in that didactic way that careening down a hillside in Montreal used to for Win Butler or perhaps Spencer Krug. God, we're bitter." - Patrick McParentsbasement, PitchforkMedia

Wow. That was possibly the dumbest thing I've ever written. Trust me, it seemed like a great idea when we were driving through Arlington tonight. And have you ever SEEN a cat get freaked out by a robotic vacuum cleaner? That's some funny stuff, man.

Just forget you've read this. I'm still rebounding from these past couple of weeks. Much love.