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Friday, February 17, 2006

Profiles in Douchebaggery (#3: Bill Schaefer)
[transmission from... Tyler Sonnichsen]

Oh, William Donald Schaefer, former Governor of Maryland, and current State Comptroller. What a dirty old piece of shit. See? I cut right to the chase.

The Back-Story: For those of you unfamiliar with politics in the Mid-Atlantic region (outside of DC, of course), William Schaefer is one of the best-known "democrats" in the area, mostly because he served three terms as mayor of Baltimore. According to various news sources, including the Post Express (where I first spotted this story, buried in the local news section), here's what went down. The other day, Elizabeth Krum, a 24-year-old staffer for Governor Robert Ehrlich, brought Schaefer some tea. After she set it down, Schaefer motioned for her to come back. "Walk again," he said, as he 'glared wide-eyed at her backside.'

Now, if I'm not mistaken, hitting on an intern or an impressionable young staffer in private is one thing. Humiliating her in front of the entire house, including the acting governor (who, apparently, laughed at all of this), is another.

You know what else is another? Schaefer, who's already on my shit list for having a name that's freaking impossible to spell out six hundred times, didn't stop there. When questioned about his creepy, completely unprofessional actions, he defended what he did.

"The day I stop looking at pretty girls is the day I die."

"She ought to be damned happy I observed her going out the door!"

With that kind of irrepressible charm, it's a wonder this asshole's never been married. There are plenty of women out there who could overlook little things like this. And publicly reaming out Severna Park McDonald's employees for not speaking English well enough. And declaring that everyone with HIV/AIDS "brought it on themselves" and are a threat to society, and thus should be registered publicly. (Source: Annapolis Capital)

So where do I go with this? I issue this Open Letter to Elizabeth Krum:

Dear Ms. Krum,
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you in the MD Board of Public Works meeting. Nobody deserves that kind of humiliation, and especially not someone like you. Granted, I've never met you, and I have no idea what you're like as a person, but no matter who you are, you most likely did not deserve what Schaefer did to you. I, like many people I encourage to join in solidarity, firmly believe that you are entirely within your right to douse this old bastard in the tea you brought him. Show him what it feels like to be humiliated in front of all of the State's Public Works officials. If you feel inclined, smack him with the bottle or flip him off, and walk out. I understand that your job may be important to you, but no job is more important than one's dignity. Despite this setback, I'm sure you'll still have a fine career in law or politics, and you'll be thanking yourself for a long, long time. The amount of respect you would gain for yourself and from others would more than make up for losing this job, wherein you're obviously not appreciated or respected nearly as much as you should be. I'm just planting seeds, though...Now you go show him that you mean business.

Sincerely,
Your Friends at TDC Productions
Fri, February 17, 2006 | link

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Thinking Happy Thoughts
[transmission from... Tyler Richardson]

Well it's been a minute but let's get straight to the nitty grit. I couldn't stop thinking how funny it would be to pee like a handicapped guy so I had to try it. I've been laughing to myself for the past week at the thought of it so... I get in the bathroom and get the stall right in the middle of all the rest, that way nobody's pissin' too far from me. Then, I took my pants completely off and slung them over my shoulder. This was at work, so though it was unprofessional that made it even funnier to me. And I'm off, not long before another guy walks in. He stutter-steps and then just proceeds to laugh and I can see him thinking "Don't look at that chocolate ass!" But you can't help yourself.

That was all, I just wanted to share something that made happy with you.

But while I'm on a similar subject let me throw another memory your way. I was in the Army Reserves and had to take many a shower with a room full of hairy men. Guys, trust me. If you're a little self conscious about your buttocks (and we all are) , don't be. Everyone's got some hair on the glutes, and it gets worse than a lot of us realize. Much worse. Much worse. Anyway, I saw my platoon leader turn around while showering and with both hands, he split his hairy ass wide open in front of me and got on his tippy toes to wash out his behind. It is a photo that I cannot remove from the folds of mind. No matter how much marijuana I take in. It's stuck. Have a great day, everybody.
Wed, February 15, 2006 | link

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Rocktitude of the Hammer Dulcimer
Vinyl Treasures #2 [transmission from... Tyler Sonnichsen]


The Hammer Dulcimer Played by Chet Parker
Folkways Recordings FA 2381
C. 1966 Folkways Recordings


I sit here in deep cogitation, wondering why, among all instruments, the hammer dulcimer never caught on. Nowadays, you have to go to a state fair to find one of those things in public exhibition. And, I’m sure I’m not the only one who believes this, but the thing rocks the house. Just, unconventionally.

Just look at this stud Chet Parker. 27 years before RZA labored for months to produce Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers, Parker used nothing more than a Dulcimer to bring da muthafuckin’ ruckus. And he did it in overalls!

It’s a shame more musicians from that era didn’t take advantage of this guy’s virtuosity when was around until 1975. It’s kind of like how Shaun Ryder did a duet with country icon Karl Denver on the Happy Mondays’ hit “Lazyitis/One-Armed Boxer.” Imagine the possibilities:

The Velvet Underground w/ Chet Parker: “Venus in Furs, Skip to My Lou” (1967)
This would rock so hard…unconventionally. Imagine the laconic blasts of feedback and Lou Reed’s druggy guitar noise, couple with John Cale’s sporadic viola hits and Chet Parker playing ‘Skip to My Lou’ in the background. I’m getting high just thinking about it.

The Beatles feat. Chet Parker: “Norwegian Hickory, Boy! (This Bird Has Flown)” (1965)
Just consider, for one moment, if George Harrison hadn’t gotten so obsessed with the sitar, and instead decided to delve across the pond for inspiration, and landed in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Well, I know I think it would have sounded cooler.

Emerson, Lake, and Parker (1970- )
This wouldn’t be for just one song, but the band’s entire catalog. Replace Carl Palmer with Chet Parker, and Keith Emerson and Greg Lake would just sit around and do nothing rather than actually play instruments or help write the music. Basically, this would just be Chet, and actually listenable.
Sun, February 12, 2006 | link


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Updated 11.24.08

Hey! Do This!




Want to help bring THE BIG TAKEOVER back, an onto the air?! How to donate and more info here.




Saturday, November 29th
NELLIE GREEN'S COMEDY
50 Maple St., Branford, CT
9pm, $8
with Davin Rosenblatt, Howie Mason, and Pat Oates! I think it's all ages. Call 203-483-8300 to make sure, and to make reservations if you want to come out!

Tuesday, December 9
LIVE HUMANS IN DC
I'm the featured artist.
Free, 7:30pm, at the Palace of Wonders. Hope you see you out!
2210 H St. NE, DC, 21+
Saturday, December 13th
LAUGHING LIZARD COMEDY
at O'Shaughnessy's
1324 King St., Alexandria
10pm, 21+
Hosted by Keith Irvin! Lineup coming soon!


Check out TDC on...

Thanks Josh!
Sign the Guestbook! (It's been there for some time, but seriously, sign it).



Watch the video for Wes Mann's "If Only You Knew" right here!

THROUGH THE WASH
What happens to common appliances and gadgets mistakenly go through the wash and dry cycle? Do they come out alive? Check out this handy site, with appearances from myself, Jake, and Aparna. Hosted by Chris and filmed my Joe "the man" Deeley.

MUZAK!?


NoFX, Dillinger 4, Teenage Bottlerocket and more at Ram's Head Live in Baltimore on Friday the 24th....

The Bouncing Souls are headlining the Black Cat on Wednesday, Oct 27th...

It's time for The Pietasters' obnoxious, drunken Halloween show at the 9:30 Club!!...

Cafe Tacuba (aka the Mexican Flaming Lips) are playing The State Theater on Sunday, 11/2...

The Gutter Twins are competing for my audience on November 7th, playing the Black Cat...

The Spinto Band will be pimpin' Moonwink at The Black Cat on Friday the 14th...

The Aquabats. The Black Cat. November 17th. Enough Said...

Robyn Hitchcock is performing I Often Dream of Trains at the Birchmere on the 18th. Ideally, Eli and I can reunite with him and have another awkward conversation about comedy...

Sondre Lerche is returning! 9:30 club on November 24th...


 

IF YOU LIVE IN THE DC AREA, HAVE A SOUL, AND ENJOY GOOD LIVE COMEDY, I highly recommend these weekly/biweekly shows.


MONDAY
11TH ST. LOUNGE
First and third mondays of every month. It's intimate, friendly, and the servers upstairs are fine. Even an audience of 10 non-comics can whip the place into a frenzy. Hosted by Lou Giglio, or Bart Voisin if he couldn't escape the calling. Oh Highland Dr, right across from the Clarendon Grill.

SPY LOUNGE
Eli "the man" Sairs and Tyler "da man" Richardson run this open mic at a bizarrely posh but still fun place right in the heart of Adam's Morgan, on 18th St. Starts around 8pm.

CHIEF IKE'S MAMBO ROOM
Run by the luminaries behind DCC4N. On Columbia Rd. right north of that intersection in Adams-Morgan.

TUESDAY
Nema is gone, but info about Takoma Station and the Library (both in Northeast) coming soon.

Wiseacre's happens on this night, out in Tyson's.


WEDNESDAY
Wiseacres will always be there, hopefully, out in Tyson's.

DR. DREMO'S IS DEAD. LONG LIVE DR. DREMO'S.

THURSDAY
College Perk
First and third Thursday of every month, this is probably the most fun you'll have at an open mic in the area. Maybe because it's a college hangout with a liquor license. 9078 Baltimore Avenue, College Park, MD


BLOG HIGHLIGHT INDEX

LOST VINYL CLASSICS
- The Korean Orphan Choir...on tour!
- Richard Simmons' illustrious recording career
- The Magic of Chet Parker and that Hammer Dulcimer
- The Magic of Jesse Johnson

SHORT FILM SHOWCASE
- Georgetown Cabaret 2007 Teaser
- Greg Pahanish: Professional Comedian [TEASER]
- Don't Fuck with Joe Deeley
- Into the Leaves!
- Tag: The Movie

INTERVIEWS
- Bobby Vandell
- Ted Leo
- On the Dead Milkmen (w/ Thoughts from Joe Jack Talcum)

MUSIC, ETC.
- Pixies, bitch!
- Ska is still Awesome
- The Official Summer 06 Mix
- Minutemen: One of the All-Time Greatest American Bands, now on DVD!
- On Erasure and other Gay Delights (but mostly Erasure)
- Living Too Late: A 2-Part Rumination
- The Best Things Never Said Onstage
- Sondre Lerche and The Spinto Band
- Top 60 Punk Bands
- The Guided By Voices drinking game!
- God is pissed at Stapp!
- Two Theories on Poison (the band)

CULTURE/COMEDY
- On "the Suck"
- Laughing Lizard Showcase's One Year Anniversary!
- On Viacom's battle with YouTube - The Ted Healy Suck Awards
- George Thorogood = Zima Drinker?
- Mitch Hedberg Tribute: One Year Later
- Norwegian death metal aka the stupidest thing ever written
- The Unseen Danger of Video Games

MOVIES
-TWS on the American Hardcore Documentary
-Spinal Tap and its importance to our generation
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
- The TDC take on "A Christmas Story"
-
SPORTS
- On San Fermin and Bullfighting
- Love from CT and the Hartford Whalers
- The Washington Capitals are Awesome
SPECIAL GUEST COLUMNS

Alex Kain
- To Those Who Blame Video Games for Anything
- Alex's Gift for Uwe Boll!
- On "Cube!"

Tyler Richardson
- If I could, i would...
- What makes Tyler Richardson happy?
- Those Risks in Everyday Life

Jermaine Fowler
- Jermaine on his Idol/Nemesis Tony DeNikos
- Tony fakes his own death!
- Denikos: the Final Chapter

Adam Crowley
- Sighting in Oklahoma

RIDICULOUSLY GOOD SONG OF THE WEEK

The Lillingtons - "Don't Trust the Humanoids"

The TDC Archive of the Greatest Things Ever Said, Ever

"Holy shit. Did we just elect a black dude president?"
 - Eric Moberg, in a text to me, 11:32 pm ET, 11/4/08

  

[Firth. It's pronounced Firth. Like the actor. Like our planet if it started with F.]
Welcome to the official TDC Productions website. Glad you could make it. Hope you enjoy yourself. If you want to check out any recent postings, just check out the archive below the blog at the bottom of this page.
If you've got anything to publish here, send it right here.

TDC 1995-2005: A Decade of Missing the Point Completely Creative Commons License

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