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Thursday, December 1, 2005

Those Little Risks in Everyday Life
[transmission from: tyler richardson]

"Don't take any risks today -- the outcome will not be in your favor. Play it safe."

This was the horoscope for Taurus today. What is weird is that this morning I found at least three situations to which such a general forecast could be relevant.
  1. I woke up and needed to use the bathroom. When I sit down I discovered that the toilet paper was all gone. I had two choices. Use my hand to get it all out( fist-full-o'-jerky) or I could use printer paper. All I'll say is that I've almost successfully managed to clean out my fingernails.
    Risk Factor: Paper cuts on the taint.
  2. Driving to work I came to a stop light. A man in front of me was pushing his car while his wife steered. I could tell that he needed help but I'm not the type of person to just go helping strangers...for free. So, I sat there and waited for him to Hulk up and get his car out of my way. I saw three people come running from behind me and help him out. They all made it a point to give me the evil eye while I drove past them and hit the pipe one more time. Cause that's how I roll.
    Risk Factor: Dropping perfectly good Weed on the ground to help a stranger that doesn't have a vagina. That's fuckin crazy. He should understand, GUY CODE!
  3. I was using the urinal at work and someone's kid was outside the door. I could tell that he was on a short schedule and the way he danced show urgency and fear. So, I did what I always do. I took my time. It only took him a couple of minutes before he started to speak and his begging only tickled me more. After 20 minutes of what I can only describe as the finest showtune collection that I could muster, I let him in. He looked like shit. Literally, he had to shake the crap out of his pants like a P.O.W.
    Risk Factor: There isn't really one here, but whenever a child cries, the Wolfen God I pray to smiles. And that smile provides the world with rhythm.

    P.S.- For more info on the Wolfen Cult simply ask yourself "Where would a cult meet at?" The answer should always be "Jo- Ann's Crafts & Fabrics".
Thu, December 1, 2005 | link

Monday, November 28, 2005

Things That Crucially Need to Be Reissued Part III: People
[transmission from: tyler sonnichsen]

Hello again. I accumulated plenty of thoughts over Thanksgiving weekend, but for now, I figured I'd follow through with the next part of my "Reissues" series, because I think this installment touches upon a vitally important issue affecting the world of both sports, and that of movie truck stops.

Cam Neely
To those of us hockey fans, especially those of us Bruins fans, Cam Neely represented everything that was ever great about the NHL in the early 1990s. Sure, we had God aka Ray Bourque to make Boston more awesome by simply being there for twenty-two years, but who but Cam Neely reflected the hopes, power, dreams, and eventual crushing defeat of the whole organization? No athlete, ever, in the eternity of the world's empire of the universe. I know I just answered my own question, but I needed to to prove my point. We need this guy back; for not just the Bruins, but for hockey in general. Sure, it’s making a rebound after the lockout season, but without a reissued Cam Neely, who do we have that can score 50 goals in 48 games to start a season? Dany Heatley? Bah! Heatley's got curly hair and looks like fuckin' Flea! And how can we trust a guy who forgets to include that vital second N in his own name to become the mayor of hockey town? He can't hold a candle to Neely's hall of fame pedigree. And… AND who could forget Cam Neely's onward trek to immortalize himself as the single most legendary truck stop rough in the history of modern cinema? Case in point. We truly need to figure out how to reissue humans. Until then, I’ll have to settle for Joe Thornton, Jeff Halpern, and a bunch of other guys on my select few preferred teams whose chops just can’t measure up to the great #8. Come to think of it, while we’re at it, why not reissue…

The 1990 Boston Bruins

This team was amazing. Cam Neely, Ray Bourque, Andy “Not the Synthesizer” Moog between the pipes, Glen Wesley, and – are you ready for this? – BOTH Sweeney brothers. Sure, I can barely remember the actual season, but that’s just as good since the Oilers embarrassed them in the Stanley Cup Finals. But when you had this kind of mutual love and respect between a city and its hockey team, did you really even need a silly piece of hardware? You had the Garden, crustaches, and the game before it became the last major pro sport to lose its credibility to pure greed and other such bullshit. Classic.
Mon, November 28, 2005 | link


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Updated 11.24.08

Hey! Do This!




Want to help bring THE BIG TAKEOVER back, an onto the air?! How to donate and more info here.




Saturday, November 29th
NELLIE GREEN'S COMEDY
50 Maple St., Branford, CT
9pm, $8
with Davin Rosenblatt, Howie Mason, and Pat Oates! I think it's all ages. Call 203-483-8300 to make sure, and to make reservations if you want to come out!

Tuesday, December 9
LIVE HUMANS IN DC
I'm the featured artist.
Free, 7:30pm, at the Palace of Wonders. Hope you see you out!
2210 H St. NE, DC, 21+
Saturday, December 13th
LAUGHING LIZARD COMEDY
at O'Shaughnessy's
1324 King St., Alexandria
10pm, 21+
Hosted by Keith Irvin! Lineup coming soon!


Check out TDC on...

Thanks Josh!
Sign the Guestbook! (It's been there for some time, but seriously, sign it).



Watch the video for Wes Mann's "If Only You Knew" right here!

THROUGH THE WASH
What happens to common appliances and gadgets mistakenly go through the wash and dry cycle? Do they come out alive? Check out this handy site, with appearances from myself, Jake, and Aparna. Hosted by Chris and filmed my Joe "the man" Deeley.

MUZAK!?


NoFX, Dillinger 4, Teenage Bottlerocket and more at Ram's Head Live in Baltimore on Friday the 24th....

The Bouncing Souls are headlining the Black Cat on Wednesday, Oct 27th...

It's time for The Pietasters' obnoxious, drunken Halloween show at the 9:30 Club!!...

Cafe Tacuba (aka the Mexican Flaming Lips) are playing The State Theater on Sunday, 11/2...

The Gutter Twins are competing for my audience on November 7th, playing the Black Cat...

The Spinto Band will be pimpin' Moonwink at The Black Cat on Friday the 14th...

The Aquabats. The Black Cat. November 17th. Enough Said...

Robyn Hitchcock is performing I Often Dream of Trains at the Birchmere on the 18th. Ideally, Eli and I can reunite with him and have another awkward conversation about comedy...

Sondre Lerche is returning! 9:30 club on November 24th...


 

IF YOU LIVE IN THE DC AREA, HAVE A SOUL, AND ENJOY GOOD LIVE COMEDY, I highly recommend these weekly/biweekly shows.


MONDAY
11TH ST. LOUNGE
First and third mondays of every month. It's intimate, friendly, and the servers upstairs are fine. Even an audience of 10 non-comics can whip the place into a frenzy. Hosted by Lou Giglio, or Bart Voisin if he couldn't escape the calling. Oh Highland Dr, right across from the Clarendon Grill.

SPY LOUNGE
Eli "the man" Sairs and Tyler "da man" Richardson run this open mic at a bizarrely posh but still fun place right in the heart of Adam's Morgan, on 18th St. Starts around 8pm.

CHIEF IKE'S MAMBO ROOM
Run by the luminaries behind DCC4N. On Columbia Rd. right north of that intersection in Adams-Morgan.

TUESDAY
Nema is gone, but info about Takoma Station and the Library (both in Northeast) coming soon.

Wiseacre's happens on this night, out in Tyson's.


WEDNESDAY
Wiseacres will always be there, hopefully, out in Tyson's.

DR. DREMO'S IS DEAD. LONG LIVE DR. DREMO'S.

THURSDAY
College Perk
First and third Thursday of every month, this is probably the most fun you'll have at an open mic in the area. Maybe because it's a college hangout with a liquor license. 9078 Baltimore Avenue, College Park, MD


BLOG HIGHLIGHT INDEX

LOST VINYL CLASSICS
- The Korean Orphan Choir...on tour!
- Richard Simmons' illustrious recording career
- The Magic of Chet Parker and that Hammer Dulcimer
- The Magic of Jesse Johnson

SHORT FILM SHOWCASE
- Georgetown Cabaret 2007 Teaser
- Greg Pahanish: Professional Comedian [TEASER]
- Don't Fuck with Joe Deeley
- Into the Leaves!
- Tag: The Movie

INTERVIEWS
- Bobby Vandell
- Ted Leo
- On the Dead Milkmen (w/ Thoughts from Joe Jack Talcum)

MUSIC, ETC.
- Pixies, bitch!
- Ska is still Awesome
- The Official Summer 06 Mix
- Minutemen: One of the All-Time Greatest American Bands, now on DVD!
- On Erasure and other Gay Delights (but mostly Erasure)
- Living Too Late: A 2-Part Rumination
- The Best Things Never Said Onstage
- Sondre Lerche and The Spinto Band
- Top 60 Punk Bands
- The Guided By Voices drinking game!
- God is pissed at Stapp!
- Two Theories on Poison (the band)

CULTURE/COMEDY
- On "the Suck"
- Laughing Lizard Showcase's One Year Anniversary!
- On Viacom's battle with YouTube - The Ted Healy Suck Awards
- George Thorogood = Zima Drinker?
- Mitch Hedberg Tribute: One Year Later
- Norwegian death metal aka the stupidest thing ever written
- The Unseen Danger of Video Games

MOVIES
-TWS on the American Hardcore Documentary
-Spinal Tap and its importance to our generation
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
- The TDC take on "A Christmas Story"
-
SPORTS
- On San Fermin and Bullfighting
- Love from CT and the Hartford Whalers
- The Washington Capitals are Awesome
SPECIAL GUEST COLUMNS

Alex Kain
- To Those Who Blame Video Games for Anything
- Alex's Gift for Uwe Boll!
- On "Cube!"

Tyler Richardson
- If I could, i would...
- What makes Tyler Richardson happy?
- Those Risks in Everyday Life

Jermaine Fowler
- Jermaine on his Idol/Nemesis Tony DeNikos
- Tony fakes his own death!
- Denikos: the Final Chapter

Adam Crowley
- Sighting in Oklahoma

RIDICULOUSLY GOOD SONG OF THE WEEK

The Lillingtons - "Don't Trust the Humanoids"

The TDC Archive of the Greatest Things Ever Said, Ever

"Holy shit. Did we just elect a black dude president?"
 - Eric Moberg, in a text to me, 11:32 pm ET, 11/4/08

  

[Firth. It's pronounced Firth. Like the actor. Like our planet if it started with F.]
Welcome to the official TDC Productions website. Glad you could make it. Hope you enjoy yourself. If you want to check out any recent postings, just check out the archive below the blog at the bottom of this page.
If you've got anything to publish here, send it right here.

TDC 1995-2005: A Decade of Missing the Point Completely Creative Commons License

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