[transmission from: tyler sonnichsen]

Here are a few things that I discovered this weekend. The new Harry Potter movie is a sheer delight, and it features a band that includes members from Pulp and Radiohead performing at the wizards' ball. I saw the singer and thought, "that has to be Jarvis Cocker"...and it was. He scored the whole film, pretty much. Also, my friends Jason and Pharoah are always a great time to see (see the quotes of the week on the right).

Alright, now for business. I learned a bunch of other random stuff, but the most important things I picked up on this weekend was that of the amazing power of rock n' roll. If it were not for that institution, an itinerant mop-topped guy called "Beatle Bob" who became a famous scenester, would be homeless and/or dead. While the most likely borderline autistic "Beatle Bob" would have his own deals to sort out, Papa Bob (Pollard) would be a Dayton, OH schoolteacher who lost his job for drinking too much and has been in and out of 12-step programs unsuccessfully for the past decade or so.

But, Pollard instead chose the path of the musical legend, for not being just a fat, middle-aged drunk, but a fat, middle-aged drunk who writes amazing songs (in an amazingly prolific fashion- we're talking over 1000 in about 21 years). His band, Guided by Voices went, in a span of about a decade from disinterested frat-boy bar obscurity in which they could barely play their songs, to selling out two shows at Chicago's Metro back-to-back, and still not playing their songs terribly well but having a veritable army of indie-rock stalwarts bouncing along in the crowd well past 3 am. December 31, 2004 was the night of their final show as a band, and the hipsters and old-time friends turned out in droves. Just recently, the said show was released on DVD for the consumption of those of us fans who were not fortunate enough to be there. My roommate Tom and I decided that the delivery of this DVD (complete with a patented GBV shotglass) warranted a small get-together, along with copious amounts of alcohol and a plan. That plan is:
THE OFFICIAL GUIDED BY VOICES FINAL SHOW DRINKING GAME

Now, you have to understand that GBV raised the bar on onstage alcoholism. Offstage, too, but it's not as entertaining there. Someone actually released a compilation of just Pollard's onstage ramblings recently. Hope that sets the stage for you. Speaking of stages, the band had a bar set up on theirs for this performance. I'm not even kidding. So pop in the DVD, pull up a great song association or two, and here are the rules:

ONE DRINK

• "The Club is Open" sign lights up.
• Anyone in the band visibly takes a drink.
• Bob Pollard does a mic-twirl or a leg-kick.
• Someone in the audience is handed a drink.
• Anyone not in the band appears onstage (former members like Tobin Sprout during "14 Cheerleader Coldfront," Beatle Bob dancing like a complete dick to "My Kind of Soldier," etc.)
• Someone in the band goes to the bar.
• They break into a pre-Bee Thousand song.
• They bust out a non-LP song.
• Whenever any member makes a mistake clearly due to inebriation.
• Bob does some form of slurred, rambling monologue.(If we made either of the last two into chug rules, nobody would live to see their first encore).

A CHUG

• Whenever the band breaks into a song they clearly have never played before.
• Bob makes some reference to sex with Kim Deal.
• Bob sings a song while sitting at the bar.

I think that basically covers it. Share this activity with your loved ones after a massive steak and bread dinner and plenty of rest. It may be amended a bit, but it's great fun nonetheless. If you've got an issue with people drinking to commemorate a band that makes almost anyone look like major league wusses in comparison, don't forget that even though the GBV era is over, it is still very much our time. The new drunk drivers have hoisted the flag.

(That last line was a reference to their song "A Salty Salute." Drunk driving is horrible, and we don't condone it. Please don't actually do it. You know who you all are. Don't make us break out the cat-o-nine-tails. That's right, we've got a cat-o-nine-tails.)